“Listen, nine women can’t make a baby in a month” – C. Ray Meadows
My grandfather said this to me many years ago when I was in a typical fit of indignant impatience.
For most of my 39 years, I’ve been the most impatient creature on the planet. Wanting it all (whatever “it” might be) and wanting it now. Actually, no. Wanting it yesterday…wanting it a week ago…SIX weeks ago.
I was BORN impatient. To date, the only true beneficiary of that innate impatience has been my mother and her lightning-fast labor and delivery (hope that makes up for my smart ass teenage years, Mom).
I forced a lot in my life because I was impatient, because I didn’t want to wait, because I wanted it to happen faster, because I didn’t want to go through the process. What process? Pick a process. The process of growth, of healing, of waiting for the right partner, of being a human on this planet and all that entails. I was rewarded for my forcing efforts with instant gratification followed by anxiety, frustration, exhaustion, and even a divorce.
In my recent post, I wrote about the vital importance of facing your pain to heal it. One of many reasons I avoided mine for so long was the sheer INCONVENIENCE of the healing process. It seemed unnecessary, annoying, salt in a wound, insult to injury.
“Listen, I’ve already been through pain, okay, I don’t want to feel bad anymore, I’m tired of hurting and being sad, can we get to the good stuff already?”
Doesn’t work like that. We don’t get to say “Start the timer, I’ll be done with this in 30 days!”.
If you slice your hand open making dinner, do you wake up the next day and get angry that it hasn’t fully healed?
I mean, if you enjoy the blood pressure spike of an exercise in futility, who am I to stop you? I’ll just sit here on the porch and sip my tea until you’re done. Great use of your precious energy, by the way, fighting the natural order of life…
Healing takes time. It takes intention. It takes compassion for yourself, to allow your heart to feel all the ups and downs (spoiler alert: it is NOT linear…more on this in my next post).
It takes as long as it takes.
Like healing a cut, it takes time. You can’t force it, and you can’t rush it.
What you can do is choose to either block it or to support it.
You block it by fighting against it, denying it, ignoring it, being upset at yourself for not getting through it faster, by being angry at yourself for any part of what you’ve been through.
You support it by honoring your pain, by journaling your emotions, by surrounding yourself with supportive people, by listening to what your body needs (sleep, healthy food, a massage, an Epsom salt bath with lavender), by meeting your heart where it is on any given day…whether that day is sadness, hope, rage, or anything in between.
You’re walking through the eye of the storm. There is another side. Have patience with the process. Be gentle with yourself through it all.
It takes as long as it takes.
Sparkle on, friends