Stop “Shoulding” on Yourself

February 1, 2019

Ha. Y’all thought I meant a different “S” word, didn’t you? Nope, I mean “shoulding” yourself. I’ll bet you a coffee you “should” on yourself about the same percentage of […]

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Ha. Y’all thought I meant a different “S” word, didn’t you?

Nope, I mean “shoulding” yourself.

I’ll bet you a coffee you “should” on yourself about the same percentage of time you say I’m sorry” for shit for which you don’t need to apologize (can we all just take a second to honor the fact that I cursed, yet refused to end a sentence with a preposition? This is me.)

I should be over it…

I shouldn’t still care…

I shouldn’t still be hurting…

I shouldn’t feel this way…

I should be doing more…”

I should…

I shouldn’t…

{Insert your favorite “should” here}


Should” is fundamentally an argument with reality.

“Shoulding” is arguing with “what is”…which is a futile waste of your precious energy.

“Shoulding” is placing harsh expectations on yourself…usually expectations you’ve imposed based on what you think other people will think or who you feel you have to be for OTHER people (that’s exhausting to type, much less to live).

As long as you’re “shoulding” all over yourself about your life and your feelings, you’re keeping yourself locked in a prison of your own making.

Let go of “should”.

Instead, accept and allow, and see what information is there for you.

Turn your “shoulds” into an opportunity for acceptance and inquiry into WHY:

I should be over it…”  becomes acceptance: “I’m not over it yet……and that’s okay. There’s something I haven’t worked through yet. What do I need to feel and process to move through it?”

I shouldn’t feel this way…” becomes compassion: “I do feel this way…I honor that feeling. What is it showing me? What do I need that I’m not giving myself in this moment, with this situation?”

I should…”  or “I shouldn’t…”becomes curiosity: “WHY? What story am I telling myself about this? What do I feel it says about me that I should/shouldn’t be/feel/do a certain way?”

Release yourself from that heavy expectation of “should”…set that weight down and let yourself BREATHE.

Instead, allow yourself to “be” and to honor what feels good, right, and authentic for you. If you are honoring what is healthy for you, your family, your loved ones, your boundaries, your healing, your health….then you are in alignment with the greater good.

Stop resisting and surrender to “WHAT IS”, so you can begin to process and move through WHATEVER you’re “shoulding” about.

Stop “shoulding” on yourself, and watch how much lighter you feel…how much easier you’ll flow through healing…and through life.

Sparkle on, friends…💖


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