Stop the Shaming

April 5, 2020

The principles I write and speak about have never been more applicable than they are right now. The balance of feeling and processing your emotions in a healthy way while […]

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The principles I write and speak about have never been more applicable than they are right now. The balance of feeling and processing your emotions in a healthy way while staying resourced to move forward in your life, in the way that is right for you, are more critically important now than ever. 

Guess what other principles I share that are most critical right now? Having compassion and acceptance for your feelings…and not shaming or shoulding all over yourself. 

When you say “I should” or “shouldn’t” feel a certain way, that’s just a prettier word for shame. Shame is never useful…but it’s especially damaging right now.

Unfortunately, not everyone agrees.

Last night, I read a post that made my blood boil all over again. So I once again don my (sparkly) crusader cape (and sparkly mask now, too), to offer you clarity, perspective, and permission to be human. 

The post read:

If you don’t came out of this time with (insert a list of achievements), you were never lacking time! You were lacking discipline

I’m sorry? Surely I misread that…nope. Didn’t.

*breathes deeply*

You’re not motivating anyone. 

You. Are. S.H.A.M.I.N.G. Them.

To which I say… 

*ear-muffs for my sensitive readers*

*would they be eye-muffs?*

*I’m getting off topic*

…to which I say…

…with the utmost compassion and love…

F*ck. Straight. Off. 


Because my mama bear energy roars up when I hear this and I want to defend every single one of you against anyone who would dare to shame you for how you’re handling this. People don’t need to be shamed (ever). And especially not right now.

Yes, discipline matters.

Yes, we want to avoid falling into a pit of despair with unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And also: there’s no right or wrong way to be right now, as long as you’re taking care of yourself. If you come out of this and didn’t start a new hobby, complete house projects, start a business, write the great American novel…guess what? You’re still infinitely worthy. You’re still an awesome human being. 

Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you “should” be doing more or that you “should” be filling every.single.minute with “productivity” and that if you don’t, somehow you’ve failed. 

That’s an extension of the American sickness of “busyness bypassing”. It’s what has drawn us away from what’s truly most important in life…those things we’re being reminded of right now.

Listen, my clients know I’m the first one to serve up tough love when needed: when you’re dragging your feet or bullshitting yourself about something. But now? Now is NOT the time for “tough love”. And telling people if they don’t emerge from a global pandemic having built an empire, learned underwater basket weaving, or gotten six pack abs that they suck at life? That is NOT tough love. It’s just being a jerk. 

If it feels good for you to have projects to work on right now, GREAT. 

If you have the time and energy to learn a new skill, GREAT. 

If it feels good for you to work on a “side hustle”, write your book, start a new exercise program, GREAT!

There may be days when you feel the energy to do it. Awesome! 

And guess what?

There may be days when it feels hard just to get through the day. That’s okay too. Some of the most well-respected and productive people I know are struggling right now.


Because we are in unprecedented times of uncertainty.

Do what you can to resource yourself (more on this soon) and take everything one day at a time right now. 

You are perfectly worthy, just as you are. 

Don’t internalize shame. 

Take care of yourself and those you love…that’s number one. 

Today, and every day. 

Sparkle on, my friends…I love you. We’ll get through this.

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