Pinned

Scar Tissue

September 17, 2018

Someone left my life recently—someone I loved deeply. It was abrupt, painful, and (the three-year-old in me keeps using this word) “unfair.” Meanwhile, the Universe throws another handful of popcorn […]

Blog Post
Blog Post
Scar tissue
Now Trending:
I'm JENNIFER!

As a tough love coach, I’m here to guide you towards everything you want - and then some!

hello,

Ready to Make Your Dreams Happen?

tell me more

I help you get exactly what you want and do the hard thing to make your dream a reality!

Someone left my life recently—someone I loved deeply.

It was abrupt, painful, and (the three-year-old in me keeps using this word) “unfair.”

Meanwhile, the Universe throws another handful of popcorn in its mouth and laughs over my use of that word.

“Silly human. ‘Fair’ is a false construct, and ‘unfair’ is a fundamental non-acceptance of ‘what is.’ You’ll get it eventually. Now, where’s my butter spray?”

Thanks, Universe. You can stop now, okay? I get it.

My relationship to pain has changed dramatically over the years.

I used to run from it. No, not just run, flee. Think: rats leaving a sinking ship, gazelles running from a cheetah, or the Road Runner from Coyote.

I did anything I could to avoid it, anything not to feel it.

I’d numb with jokes to make light of my pain. And listen, y’all, I love to laugh and humor is a key value of mine but when we’re using it to avoid processing a traumatic life event, well that’s no bueno.

I’d numb with wine, with food, more wine, or push my body through too many rounds of extreme workouts in a short period of time, partly to work off the wine and the carbs, but the real motivation was to be so completely exhausted I couldn’t feel my feelings.

That approach works in the short term, but it’s just a coping mechanism. It’s treating symptoms, not the underlying cause—which means that sh*t is going to show up again and again in our lives, a little bit louder and a little bit worse, each time.

The longer we go without addressing our pain, the more it will show up in our lives and relationships as repeating patterns. Eventually that pain gets so intense, we’re forced to deal because our quality of life begins to suffer dramatically.

The analogy I often give my life coaching clients is based on my own experience with running. Many years ago, I did a lot of distance running and in the process, sustained several injuries. The human body is astonishingly intelligent and forms scar tissue to immobilize a damaged area and prevent further injury. All well and good in the short-term, but not a long-term solution.

Worse yet, if not properly treated at the time of injury, scar tissue hardens and causes all manner of other not-so-fun side effects that can impact our quality of life someday. Scar tissue is also more sensitive to pain than normal tissue, so the longer we wait, the harder it gets and the more painful it’s going to be when we do break it apart. (It’s true—I’ll wait while you Google it. See? Told you. Where’s the trust, man?)

Here’s my point: The longer we wait to address pain, the worse it will get.

We can’t run from pain forever. Oh, we try—a pint of ice cream, a bottle of wine, a pill, a new job, a new lover, a new home, a new city, a new country. All short-term fixes. Keep running, and we prolong the inevitable, delay the healing process, and invite more pain into our lives. The scar tissue will still be there, under the surface.

I don’t run anymore.

Glennon Doyle said it best:

“Pain is a traveling professor. Pain knocks and the wise say: Come in—sit with me. Teach me what I must know.”

Instead of running, numbing, avoiding, denying, bypassing—take a deep breath and turn to face it.

There is no way out but straight through the eye of the storm. Let your pain, and all it brings with it, wash over you. Take such sweet care of yourself and your heart during the process.

Give yourself permission to wallow for a day or two (where my “Gilmore Girls” fans at?), to journal everything that comes up for you. Let yourself feel the heartbreak, the loss, the range of emotions. Clear the mechanism, so your scar tissue doesn’t harden. Heal the cause and the symptoms will disappear.

Honor your pain. Then ask your pain:

“What is my lesson?”

Let it teach you. Learn what you need to know. And that same storm will never come again.

Sparkle on, friends…💖

published by Elephant Journal, Sept 2018

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2018/09/how-to-break-down-the-scar-tissue-heal-our-pain/

+ show Comments

- Hide Comments

add a comment

  1. Naz says:

    This is so beautifully written! Thank you for sharing this with us. My favorite takeaway is this….
    “Honor your pain. Then ask your pain: What is my lesson?”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

A free tough love guide for the woman ready to change her life & love right now. 
This formula is exactly what I followed to find a whole new version of ME, and change my life…for the better. 
Change is rarely easy, but it’s always worth it. 

The Seven Step
Change Formula

free!

I'm Jennifer, your tough love coach and biggest advocate for change. 

Activating YOUR courage and empowering YOUR personal leadership is my PURPOSE. And I'm damn good at it. ;) 

I am more passionately driven to create positive change in peoples lives than you can POSSIBLY fathom. It breaks my heart to watch people suffer when there's a way out. So if you're ready for real change? Real results? And to have fun along the way? I'm your girl. 

Oh, I’ll also hold you accountable and remind you why you started...'cause you'll forget at least once. ;) 

Are you ready to stop WANTING change, and finally EXPERIENCE it? 

yes please!

hey there!

Courage to Rise Podcast

listen here

podcast

Exploring Authenticity

read now

blog

 Top Resources

Purchase

Find me on Amazon!

It's my job to uncover the REAL you.
Are you ready for real change? 
Let’s get courageous. 

jennifer w.

© courage to rise 2023  |  Site credit  |  Photo CREDIT red5, sass, lynn clark, stella Modinaki

contact
Blog
podcast
services
About
Home

@iamjenniferwreyford

Get your dose of tough love on Instagram!